Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Happy Birthday to Me

Well, my birthday has come and gone and I guess I would like to rant a little. I feel kind of let down. On my birthday I got one phone call, and it was from my mom. I know people are busy and so I shouldn't judge them for not calling, but I guess I just feel unloved. My sister Krissa called on Saturday (the day before), so I don't blame her. My brother is in China and he emailed me, so I don't blame him (with 14-hour difference, it's hard for us to talk when neither is asleep or at work). Still, I feel unloved. I have no friends who I'm still in touch with who thought to call. No one at church said happy birthday (even though it was printed in the bulletin). No one on MySpace thought to say happy birthday besides my sister Marcie, (even though there should have been a reminder on my pic that my birthday was coming up. At least I've noticed that with others' pics). I really appreciate the clothes she sent me, too (just wanted to make sure she knows I appreciate it!).

Overall, the day was boring. Aaron had cleaned the apartment the day before as a gift, but he was sick on my birthday so wasn't up to doing anything really. No friends in the area to do something with.

I know, I'm pathetic.

But I think it stems from more than just this birthday. I think it comes from being born around Thanksgiving. I know it's not as bad as being born around Christmas, but it just seems like no one remembers. I remember for my 12th birthday I invited four friends for a slumber party (I don't remember when it was in relation to Thanksgiving). One told me before hand that she could not come, but the other three just didn't show up. I waited all night for them to come and by 9 or so, I realized that none were coming. 

In my teen years, I had to share a party with my brother who is two years older and has a birthday two weeks after mine. We'd usually have it about a week after my birthday in early December. These were usually disappointing (I think partly because we lived in the middle of no where, 15 miles from a small town). 

And don't even mention cake! I never got one that I can remember. My mom would be so burnt out from cooking for Thanksgiving that usually one of the pies for Thanksgiving was my "birthday pie." Needless to say, it didn't make me feel very special. I remember my sister, whose birthday is in June, getting ice cream cake when I was a kid and I didn't even get a cake at all.

Once I got to college, everyone in my building would leave for Thanksgiving, I'd have my birthday, and then they would come back and not even know that I'd had it. And I'm not really one to be like, "It's my birthday next week." I would mention it to a few good friends, but even they usually didn't remember, or they would be like, "It was your birthday, right? Happy birthday." And that was it.

My freshman year my birthday was the day after Thanksgiving. I'd ridden with a girl in my dorm to Colorado to visit my dad. The boy I liked at the time lived in the same city as my dad, and I was hoping we could hang out together. My dad and step-mom had gone somewhere and so I was literally alone on my birthday (I can't remember what it was, I just remember they were gone all day). I'd only visited the area for a few weeks a year, so I knew no one there other than this boy. He said he could probably hang out and so I was looking forward to it. I called him like 20 times that day trying to get a hold of him and find out when we could hang out. Pretty much that scared him away because he thought I was crazy for calling that much. Excuse me for wanting to do something for my birthday rather than sit at home alone. I didn't even have a car, so I couldn't even go out somewhere by myself. That was a horrible birthday. (And it doesn't help that my dad doesn't believe in birthday gifts once you're an adult, so I didn't even get any gifts that day).

I do remember my sophomore year one of my roommates having a party for me with cake and decorations. That was really nice and a fond memory. I just wish that sort of thing happened more often. 

So I guess my frustrations and pessimism about birthdays stem from these experiences. It doesn't help, either, that my husband's birthday is 8 days before mine. I'm once again sharing a birthday and so it seems like my birthday is overshadowed. We get our birthday cards at the same time, we have a party together (if we have one, since we have to plan it when we do), and since Aaron's the typical male, he doesn't do anything elaborate. I did appreciate him cleaning last Saturday. That was very nice of him, but it would be nice to have something that really says, "You're special. I love you."


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